Favorite Limericks

[Omicron]

I once knew a man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two

[Omicron]

A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "let us flee!"
"Let us fly!" said the flea.
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

[Omicron]

There was a lewd whore from Nantucket
who intended to pee in a bucket;
but she was really a man
so she missed the damn can
and her john fled the joint, crying, "F^%$ it!"

[Omicron]

Relativity, the theorists’ creed,
proves all mass increases with speed.
My ass grows when I sit it.
Albert Einstein, get with it;
equate its deflation, I plead!

[Omicron]

Here is one that I just can't post. So download the .zip and read it if you want.

Limerick.zip

(273 Bytes) Downloaded 148 times

[Omicron]

There once was a person from Lyme
Who married three wives at a time.
When asked, "Why a third?"
He replied, "One's absurd,
And bigamy, sir, is a crime!"

[Omicron]

There was a young fellow named Fisher
Who was fishing for fish in a fissure,
When a cod, with a grin,
Pulled the fisherman in ...
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.

[Omicron]

There was a young fellow named Hall
Who fell in the spring in the fall.
'Twould have been a sad thing
Had he died in the spring,
But he didn't - he died in the fall.

[Omicron]

A traveler once to his sorrow
Requested a ticket to Morrow.
Said the railman, "It's plain
That there isn't a train
To Morrow today, but tomorrow."

[Omicron]

A canner, exceedingly canny,
One morning remarked to his granny:
"A canner can can
Anything that he can,
But a canner can't can a can, can he?"

[Omicron]

A right-handed fellow named Wright,
In writing "write", always wrote "rite"
Where he meant to write right.
If he'd written "write" right
Wright would not have wrought rot writing "rite".

[Omicron]

A cheese that was aged and gray
Was walking and talking one day.
Said the cheese, "Kindly note
My mama was a goat -
And I'm made out of curds, by the whey."

[Omicron]

There was an old lady of Rye
Who was baked by mistake in a pie
To the family disgust
She emerged through the crust
And enquired, with a yawn, "Where am I?"

[Omicron]

There was a young man from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan.
When asked why that was,
He replied "It's because
I always try to cram as many words into the last line as I possibly can."